I vomited yesterday and I was surprised that I'm not that pissed at all. I was expecting to blow up because all those protein shake and other nutritious food just flushed out from my mouth and it's a complete waste. However, I remembered Arnold said if I want to be successful, I cannot fear to fail and fail is a necessity to success. Lol. After awhile, I ate again and finally went back to sleep.

It's arm day today and I did high volume for isolation exercises such as reverse curls and skull crushers. For compound exercises like closed grip bench press, I will keep the reps till 8. It was really a satisfying workout  just now because I can really feel the pump and the tightness of my muscle (hahah although I don't even have yet, JOKE!).

Tomorrow confirmm dieeeee pleaseee I need my creatinee to recover fasterrrrrr.

AND AND the other day I TALKED TO HER LOL! I SAID,'HI' and 'SO FAR SO GOOD?'
Really, Mustaqim? 'So far so good' What in the world was I thinking???? Hopefully tomorrow, I am able to see her letss goooooooo~XD

It's shoulders day today and I can tell you it's my weakest and lagging muscle group that I have. It was really disappointing as my form was really fucked up and I was scared that there will be minimum gainzzzz. But nvm I have to look at the bright side, keep calm and press onnnn.

I was being warned by the manager the other day and it's over the word 'punishment'. Haizz till now I haven't apologize to her. I don't know ah if I should because I don't feel guilty at all and I don't find the joy and pleasure doing my task. Some more I feel shag nowadays. Sometimes, I feel like I just want to have a simple life in the kampung feeding my domestic animals, go fishing, enjoy the scenery and close myself with God..

Ok my chicken is in the oven reheating. Soon, I'm going to eat it with rice, crab and sayur lodeh. After that do some work and have my last meal which is blueberries, kiwi and cottage cheessseeeee. Making all kindz of gainz all kiiiindzzzz

Today I fucked up my nutrition sia. At noon, I was like force feeding myself with 6 slices of soft meal bread and beef. Really feel disgusted to eat already but luckily didn't vomit ah. Then at 4pm, I ate 5 slices of peanut butter bread and again, I need to force feed myself but it wasn't as bad as the previous meal. When it was 8pm, I started to have signs of catabolism and at about 10pm? Stomach is freaking growling which meansss my body is using my muscles as energy omgggg. Sedih or wad seh.

Luckily, we finished earlier and i went to Macs. Eat abit only, I don't really feel like eating anymore what the hell seh. Cb my english hancur ahh dont care ah. I think from tomorrow onwards I need to bring my shake ah easier for me. Tomorrow, I'm training back and biceps sooo really can't wait for it and I notice there is a slight improvement in my body wooooo happy seh.

Tuesday

Yi Quan talked about going to the gym and all but at first it didn't bother me because it's not the time yet to start my plan. However, it made me think, I have the Optimum Nutrition Serious Mass Gainer, free food from MBS and I just got my pay so why not start now? Hence, I decided to go to the Bishan Gym with him the next day. Shooooo happy~

Wednesday

I had my shake and went to the gym and I did a leg workout and I was impressed with the strength that I had. I did squats, leg and calf presses. After that Yi Quan and I ate at MBS's canteen. 10 slices of softmeal bread, 4 beef balls, 1 slice of fish and 5 eggs. It was torture and I had to force feed which I really hate. I feel like a fucking duck and it's as if I'm making a foie gras loool. I didn't finish the last 2 eggs so yeah had to leave already. On my way with a whole egg in my mouth which I cannot chew because I was so full, bloated and feel like wanting to vomit but I tell myself not to! Imagine all the shake the fooood I just ate; COMPLETE WASTE. But theeennn I really cannot tahan sibei jialat, I need to vomit no ah I MUST. Still got a lot of phases some more.

Phase 1: Vomit abit and my shoe bag, shirt and jacket is stained with puke

Phase 2: Vomit out all the food that I just ate

Phase 3: Vomit out all the shake I just drank and I can feel my stomach really fast 

The good thing is I felt much better buutt momentarily only. I felt tired, restless and not wanting to work. But I tahan then went to sleep which really helped.

So lesson of the day is to listen to my body and adjust accordingly.

Thursday

Shake, 5 slices of bread with 7 chicken wings, 4 peanut butter bread, Salad, White rice and 8 chicken wing. I felt ok and I didn'r feel catabolic till 6-7pm? But then from 7 to 12 I can feel my stomach growling which means=catabolic mode on nooooooooo. But what did I learnt the day before? I have to adjust, listen to my body and do it step by step slowly. I think next time I add 2 more slices and we'll see how it will go.

And today and saturday offfffffffff leeeepaakk jeeeeee and I feel like a damn stalker and sicko, have the pretty girl's photo pop out whenever I switch on my laptop. haizz why u sooooo pretttttyyyyy and cuteeee and beautifull and urrghhhhhhhhh..XD